Chill Out
8 Stoic Principles for Keeping Calm
It’s tough, 2020 has been an awful year. COVID, police brutality, racism, political upheaval, protests, riots, and economic calamity. A lot of people have died or lost their jobs and businesses have either scaled down or shuttered altogether. It’s enough to send anyone into a tizzy. On a personal level, I have struggled with anxiety and substance abuse for years. In this article I will share eight Stoic principles to achieve serenity that I have learned and (try) to follow which have been helpful. I hope they will be for you as well.
1 Manage your pleasures. It’s ok to seek pleasure. We are designed to do it and avoid pain. However, it’s not achieved by mindless indulgence and we should also acknowledge that ultimately pain and suffering are unavoidable. We want to minimize the pain so the pleasures we pursue should not produce more pain. They should be nourishing and help us flourish and when you’re flourishing you attain true happiness.
There are two types of pleasure — moving and static. Moving is in action, active stimulation. An example is a runner out on a jaunt enjoying the exercise, views, and fresh air. Static is contentment when we’re satisfied — the feeling of not needing anything more. The runner is back home, has taken a hot shower, and now the endorphins kick in and he feels relaxed. This is the objective we should aim for.
We do this by fulfilling our natural desires. There are natural desires and vain desires. Natural desires can be divided into necessary and unnecessary. Food, shelter, and rest are absolutely necessary, but there are other healthy desires that can be considered necessary such as intimacy, physical activity, good health, and mental stimulation. Unnecessary natural desires are wanting any of these luxuriously, in excess, or wanting to escape through the use of drugs.
Indulging in pleasure by satisfying unnecessary desires always comes with a price. For example, when we drink alcohol we feel good for a few hours when at the peak of the buzz. But it’s a poison and it comes with physical and mental consequences. In the hangover there’s dehydration, headache, depression, nausea and above all, anxiety. Other socially acceptable drugs such as caffeine, nicotine, and THC are no different.
Similarly, overspending, overeating, promiscuity and other such indulgences all come with their own prices to pay that are detrimental to tranquility. The longer we indulge, the more reliant we become on the effect, leading to addiction.
Then there are the vain desires such as fame, wealth, immortality, and power. They are destructive and insatiable because they have no natural limit. They are difficult to obtain and harder to maintain, leading to more craving. You become restless and never content. They are not natural but based on cultural ideas.
We want to pursue natural necessary desires because they’re abundant, healthy, and have a natural limit. Our bodies will tell us when we are full. You reach contentment. Eating good food, playing basketball or going for a run, having sex with a loving partner, or engaging in a hobby are all examples.
When we eliminate vain and unnecessary desires, we stop craving and start enjoying the satisfaction of our basic necessities that are easy to fulfill.
2 Let go of groundless fears. There are many, but the two biggest ones are God and death.
There is no omnipotent deity who is both benevolent and wrathful. There is no old bearded man in the sky. Belief in such a God only makes us superstitious and anxious due to the prospect of being punished or sent to Hell. It leads to fear.
“If God is unable to prevent evil, then he is not all-powerful. If God is not willing to prevent evil, then he is not all-good. If God is both willing and able to prevent evil, then why does evil exist?” — Epicurus
If there is a God in some sense, xe is part of the fabric of the universe and is unconcerned with us. Divine intervention is out of the question and there is no need to burden ourselves with a threat.
When we die, we’re going neither to Heaven or Hell. Nor is there anything else to fear about death. Death is a natural part of life. We make death into a ghoulish apparition, and most people do not want to think or talk about it. Death simply means the end and cannot be experienced because we simply cease to exist, so it is nothing to us. There is no darkness nor anything else. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
However, it is healthy to remind ourselves of its inevitability. “Memento Mori”, or translated in English, “Remember you must die” is not morbid or haunting, but inspiring and motivating to really live life. We could leave life at any time. It reminds us that each day is a gift, and that we should not waste any time in the day on the trivial and vain.
3 Act in accordance with nature. This means living in the moment, in the present, and doing what the current situation asks from us. It means accepting circumstances as they are and taking rational action. Whatever overcomes us is the way of the universe so it’s useless to fight against it or to try to force things. Acting in accordance with nature means playing the hand you’ve been dealt.
When we’re sick, we shouldn’t try to do things we cannot do. Despite the physical hindrance, we still have our mental faculties and can choose to either panic or make rational choices in a more tranquil way to care for ourselves.
Take COVID for example. There are generally two responses — panic or complete nonchalance, as if the threat doesn’t exist. But acting in accordance with nature means we should instead acknowledge the situation, do research, and take the necessary precautions while keeping a cool head.
“If you accomplish the task before you, following right reason with diligence, energy and patience…if you can hold to this, without fear or expectation, and find fulfillment in what you’re doing now…you will live a happy life” — Marcus Aurelius
4 Mind your judgments. Anxiety isn’t caused by the environment, it’s caused by the position we take toward it. It is our interpretation of events that causes us to be happy or unhappy, not any intrinsic quality of the events.
Adversity should be approached with equanimity rather than strong aversion. When we don’t carry strong desires and aversions, we experience tranquility and are more capable of dealing with situations rationally.
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment” — Marcus Aurelius
We all have different frames of reference and from those we choose what we do and do not tolerate, and that’s ok. It gives us our way of discerning right from wrong. However, our judgments become a problem if they lead us to think we’re entitled to things we are not.
We can be angry for the rest of our lives because we were not selected for a particular job or school. When can think we were robbed of an opportunity that we deserved. But we are not entitled to such things. A sense of entitlement only brings on agitation and anxiety.
5 Don’t focus on things outside of your control. Some things are up to us and others are not.
We can only consistently influence, never control. If we do manage to control some things, there’s a gazillion others that slip out of our hands. What we do control is our own faculty, and that’s what we should focus on. We can choose to focus on our own thoughts and emotions rather than constantly worrying about stuff we can’t do much about anyway. It’s important to develop a healthy indifference toward outside events so they won’t stress us out too much.
When we attempt to control everything it fails because the universe does as it pleases. The attempt to control only brings on distress. There’s a useful mantra prevalent in recovery circles called the Serenity Prayer:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
6 Do less. It’s a no brainer right? Just lay on the couch, watch TV, and you’ll be calm.
However, we all know that we’re supposed to be productive and most of us want to have at least some degree of success. So how do we do less when we want to be industrious?
We do many things that are unnecessary. In this age we have access to unlimited entertainment, so distraction and temptation abound. It’s very easy to get caught up in all kinds of non-productive activities that can be avoided. Doing less also means talking less. Many conversations are nonsensical bullshit that lead to nowhere and only waste our time and energy.
Doing less means doing the essential. Doing the essential means not only cutting out the nonsense but also that we work more intelligently and efficiently. Doing this not only leads to tranquility but to doing less better. Doing the essential consistently takes a mindful approach.
A good practice is to make a list of tasks for the next day the night before. This way we pre-meditate on what we have to do when we get up in the morning which has a calming effect on our mind because when we design our days beforehand then there’s one less thing to worry about.
7 Take short escapes. Traveling for recreational purposes is great for fun and excitement but it’s not a good way to seek serenity.
Wherever we go, we take our brains along with us, so the effects of traveling are only temporary. As soon as the novelty subsides we’re confronted with our brains again. Instead, we can get away by going within. Nowhere you go is more peaceful, more free of interruptions, than your own soul and imagination. Meditation can be a great way to facilitate this.
There’s nothing wrong with changing scenery once and a while to facilitate some mental retreat as long as we keep these escapes basic and brief.
8 Remember that all shall pass. Acceptance of impermanence helps us cope with the roller coaster of life and loss. Remembrance of death is the ultimate acceptance that the changing nature of the universe also means the decay and vanishing of ourselves.
Keep in mind how fast things change. We can be immersed in something one moment and in the next things can be totally different. Situations can and do turn on a dime. Good times come and go. Hard times will not last.
The fact that everything is in flux and entropy could be a source of anxiety because nothing is stable. But it can be a source of calm as well. The realization that everything is temporary means there’s no point in clinging to good times and being strongly averse to bad times. I can attest that even in jail there are good and bad days. Millionaires experience joy and suffering.
This means our inner world and how we perceive our situation is also in flux. We can decide how we react to change. So why should destiny concern us so much? The things that irritate us will not last.
A minute ago you were reading this article. Now you’re done and about to do something else…
